Think Tank

Was reading this book last night and it talked about finding the "right" one. Mr. Right. The author kept saying it’s not okay if the guy is overdramatic and overemotional about different things, but it’s better if he’s only over emotional over YOU.

Sigh. I thought I found someone who’s overly emotional over me. I wonder if I’ll ever find him?

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postscript: i realized how overly emotional i was with him after i read this again:  http://www.pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=170656

i watched Oprah last night. it was about a mom whose 3 kids were killed by her own husband. she looked like she was so numb. you know those kinds of days when you feel so numb that you can’t feel any other emotion but sadness? sadness that can make you feel numb. that’s it. everybody was crying and she was only staring at them.

funny, i got this description of NUMB from online:

Main Entry: dead

Part of Speech: adjective 2

Definition: indifferent

Synonyms: anesthetized, apathetic, asleep, boring, callous, cold, deadened, dull, flat, frigid, glassy, glazed, inert, insensitive, insipid, lukewarm, numb, numbed, paralyzed, senseless, spiritless, stagnant, stale, still, tasteless, torpid, unfeeling, unresponsive, vapid, wooden

dead . omg. unfeeling is more like it.

im not really having a good day today. some people can be so insensitive. insensitive- all they care about is themselves. it hurts me, really, that some people can do that to you when you actually are (always) good to them. you care so much, but they don’t. is that really a fact of life?

that’s why i’m becoming numb. and indifferent. when "old" friends no longer include you with their conversation (and when you ask them about it, they just smile!). or when these friends no longer think of you when they’re outside, ask if you’ve already had lunch or breakfast or whatever.

and I even consider them family. they’re the only family that I got here and here’s how they treat me.

how sad. how sorry. how pathetic am i.

can’t do anything about it, I guess. people change.

so here I am, just numb.

i can be overly dramatic the way i think. or even the way i react to things. i guess it’s just my own nature to be like this — to be overly emotional. impassioned. yep, that’s the word that best describes me. that’s probably why i have a heart for musicians and artists — these people are soo expressive with whatever they want to say and keen to little things that in a snap of a finger, they know what you’re thinking about or what you want to do.

what a scatterbrain i am. i feel alone sometimes, then suddenly, i feel that even i’m surrounded by people, i feel claustrophobic that I wanna gag. Or sometimes I feel overwhelmingly sweet and then I realize, "what bullshit is this that I’m doing?". If sweetness was something tangible, oh I would have bulks of it to throw to people who simply ignore it! some people are not just as appreciative or thankful or charmed by these little blessings that they see everyday. unappreciated — the feeling sucks!

Oh well. Here I am again… incoherently and nonsensically talking about what-not that people don’t even understand.

BlahBlahBlah.