Archive for April, 2005

“Everything”

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

–"Everything" by LifeHouse

(Reminds me of things I shouldn’t be reminded of. I wanna forget.. I wanna forget… )

Traveller by Heart

One of my favorite daydreams would be to go on a roadtrip with my closest friends and have a lot of stop overs along the way. Digicams in tow, we’d take the most amazing pictures of friends drooling while sleeping, or the sun coming up along the horizon as we drive past another town, or even funny signs that people put up to advertise their businesses. Best of all, the picture of friends getting really wasted because of alcohol!! harhar.

We’d have endless conversations or even sing to any silly song that’s playin on the radio. We’d have to endure public restrooms (those ones that you had to pay P2.00!)– so you can hold your breath while peeing to the dirty toilet bowls.

I used to be really scared going to places on my own, but eversince I started working here in Makati, it felt like I was freed from something. That feeling of doing anything I wanna do, wearing anything I want, dancing without worrying about what people will say about you. I can just imagine myself riding a bike with wind blowin on my hair.

Frantically looking for clothes that you’ll bring and stuffing them all in a big, big bag. Or going through the dilemma of what to bring if you’re going to the beach. You wonder: should I bring a sarong or a hat or a towel or lots of sunblock? should I bring them all? Or simply wondering if you’ll be meeting any new people there, enjoy the sights or even get a taste of their culture is simply exhilirating!

Last weekend, Pryor and I went to Baguio just for the heck of it. It was a Friday night and we were having dinner at SoulFood (Greenbelt). We were talking about the nice interior of the place and how I’d like to paint the kind of paintings they had in there. Then we found ourselves talking about going to Bora or to Cebu or any other place within the country where we’ll see a lot of people. Then, out of the blue, I said:

"Punta kaya tayo ng Baguio?"

With my face all lit up and giddy with just the thought of going there without any preparations, it was enough to make my good friend Pryor to jump into my idea. All he said was a simply (but over excited!)

"SIGE!!!!"

Then that’s it. We started planning out what time we’ll leave Manila and even texted a few friends to see if they wanted to go with us. It was too spontaneous, yes, but boy, the excitement almost made us jump and dance the Macarena!

Since we still have work the next day, we decided to bring along our things so we can go to the bus terminal right after work.

Aaaaaah. We arrived Baguio at around 11:30 pm and the first thing I did upon riding our first taxi in the city was open the car windows and smelled the Baguio air. It was freezing cold. The kind that would make your nipples stand up (hahaha!). The kind of cold that will make your cheeks rosy like you just put in some blush on. The kind of wind you wanna feel when you’re out in the country biking along the dirt roads. Sarap.

What  I love about Baguio:

- the snuggly, cold weather! (shempre!)
- Session Road (they already have this really artsy mosaic that’s so colorful and crafted in a way that you wanna kneel down and see how it was done!)
- the cheap taxi fare!
- good, cheap food!
- the simple, laid back lifestyle of the people there
- that feeling of just enjoying every minute of it– doing things slowly, no rush!
- the UKAY UKAYs!!
- the endless throngs of tourists (goodlooking ones too!) who you can watch while eating along Session Rd.
- the goodlooking locals that you can’t take your eyes from because of their simplicity!

I look forward to the other places that I still have to discover. I look forward to making endless lists of the things I enjoyed most on places that I go to. I wonder where we’ll be landing next? I can feel it, baby — this year, I’m going to do a lot of travelling!!

Wuhoo!! 

daydream

I imagine myself in a big, grassy playground. Just staring at the sky, waiting for rain or for the sunset, whichever comes first. Thinking deeply and inhaling the fresh sweet scent of the late afternoon. Can hear some children laughing at the other side of the playground, cries of joy for their first swing, scared screams on their first climb to the slides.

I miss being free and innocent. Look at those children– they’re free, they don’t worry about anything, they have no pretentions, they have no heartaches. They live each day with such zest and vigor that you wonder where they get all that energy. And we adults sometimes dread each sunset, knowing that we’re left to live another day with the same worries that we had the previous day.

While sitting there, just watching the people, a memory crossed my mind. There was a time in my life that the dark comforted me. The dark and (literally) loud music. Me just singing my heart out and dancing like no one’s watching. It soothes my soul. It just dawned on me that I never do that anymore.

And it hit me. There are other things that I enjoy so much that I don’t do anymore! Paint. Write poems. Walk in the mornings with tatay. Sing my heart our. Learning new things. Play with the dog. Read old copies of Reader’s Digest (remember Word Power?hehe). Listen to old albums/ records. Hang out at the kubo. Read old journals. (Come to think of it… so many things to do!! )
We often say that we don’t do those things anymore because we’re so busy. And I’m not even busy! I keep bitching about my job not being too challenging and yet, I don’t have time to do what I used to do before. I wonder why?

Maybe this time I’ll find the time.

I sit back and held my head back to enjoy the last blast of sunshine on my face. Warm sunshine reminds me of the tingly feeling I get whenever … Never mind. I look up and then I saw this one lonely star. Automatically I chanted:

"Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight;I wish I may, I wish I might;Have the wish I wish tonight"

And I smiled. Silly ol’ childhood memories came flooding back. Afternoons of playing patintero or riding the bike around the village til the first star comes up and me and my friends start to chant that very same chant.

Memories. Sometimes, it helps us go through life. Life is good.

I need a pray-over. Haha.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

melancholia can drive you nuts!

Here’s an excerpt from one of the blogs I created a long time ago:

I just went home from work that night and I was able to watch Friends on cable. It was that episode about Ross getting married to Emily in London and they were spending some time writing out invitations to their guests, on their Wedding day.

There was this scene when Ross was writing Rachel’s name on the envelope and then he handed it to Emily. Then Emily said something about everything being ‘awkward’ in case she’ll be there. Ross just replied and said that she’s been a good friend and that she should be invited. When that time came when Ross was about to drop the invite to the mailbox, he suddenly had these flashbacks about their times together. He thought about how much he loved her.

Then this scene when the group was all at Monica’s apartment, Phoebe, Monica, Chandler and Joey. They all got their invites that day and they were thinking about how they would keep the invites from Rachel, to save her from the heartache. In comes Rachel and she sorted through her mail. She pulled out what seems to be an invite and everyone was uncomfortable about it, saying that they should have kept the invites from the apartment. Rachel said,

"Oh, an invitation on Ross’ wedding day."

Everyone was curious if she was going or not. Then another scene on that coffee shop, Rachel contemplating if she should go to the wedding or not…. then she remembers ALL the good times they had together, realizing that she too, still loves him.

After all those flashbacks, she said loudly: "No, I won’t be going to the wedding." Then she checked the NO option on the RSVP card and sent it out.

Sigh. I feel that way sometimes — that longing for someone that you know you can’t have. Then old, good memories come crashin down on you like a big bucket of (very) cold water. Then you realize that you’re still are hanging on to something — the good times and how every single moment made you feel happy.  How everything that happened to you affected you in so many ways you can’t imagine.

Oh well. Life goes on, I guess.